Judgment Day

The axe came down on almost two dozen bubble guys yesterday as the Redskins trimmed the roster to a season-ready 53 players.  The biggest name to go was clearly Willie Parker, but his release was a more foregone conclusion than Snooki hooking up with a tattooed fist-pumper on a smoggy A.C. Friday night.  

Three cuts in particular - all on offense - did surprise the pundits, though, and all of them have implications on Mike and Kyle’s plans for the regular season.

• Relative newcomer Will Robinson is far from well-established, but he opened camp as the starting left tackle (while Trent Williams finished applying his John Hancock to a fat rookie contract) and flashed at times in practice against Orakpo’s formidable rush.  His standing on the depth chart slipped gradually through the preseason and really suffered after an uninspired performance in the finale against Arizona.  He’s raw and needs some coaching, but has decent strength and mobility, and his release (along with Oldenburg, who truly sucked) leaves the team with only three primary offensive tackles on the roster.  That situation is untenable (especially with Jammal Brown’s hip flaking out like a pie crust), meaning two things: the coaches are comfortable with Artis Hicks swinging to the edge in a pinch, and, more importantly, another roster move is coming.  Look for a displaced veteran to be acquired.
• If you told me last week that, of the three guys shown above chilling in practice next to Santana Moss (doing his best Billy Bob from Sling Blade in this pic), only one would stick around… I probably would have put money on it being #18 Terrence Austin over mediocre B-Wade and the quick but butter-fingered “Breaking” Banks.  Alas, Austin was dismissed (at least for now) while the Lil’ Shawty Experiment was officially set in motion.  Shanny kept six receivers, but I think Roydell’s spot might end up going to another tackle, in which case Banks will likely have to contribute at some point on offense.  The reason for surprise is that, of the two rookies, Austin showed more polish as a pass-catcher.  I see Banks as essentially the #5 wide-out on this version of the roster, meaning he’ll need to carry his weight on some receiver screens or gimmick plays in addition to returning kicks if he’s going to hold his spot.
• The last of the noteworthy cuts, to me, was my steamy man-crush Ryan “Gravy” Torain, who showed good power and shiftiness - as well capable blocking and special teams play - in his limited preseason opportunity (albeit more so against the pathetic Bills).  The coaches evidently prefer undrafted free agent rookie Keiland Williams, presumably for his better-demonstrated ability as a receiving threat out of the backfield.  I won’t complain too much about this demotion right away, because I’m a big fan of K-Dub as well, but I still think Torain can play in this league and I doubt we’ve seen the last of him in Washington, especially with our top two options at running back being no spring chickens.

We shouldn’t forget this trio (or unfollow their active Twitter pages) just yet, because all three have reportedly cleared waivers and been added to the practice squad.  Moreover, the roster is still very fluid, with holes to fill on the o-line and Kareem Moore’s tricky injury situation complicating the defensive backfield.  But for now, I will bid them adieu, and hope that the guys chosen ahead of them will overachieve and justify those spots among the final 53.

Brooding Bites: Skins/Cardinals

I’m gonna be honest with you guys: that game started too dang late for me to watch it live.  First preseason game… yeah, I’m probably staying up.  Third preseason game… yep, I’ll tune in to see the starters play a half.  But the fourth preseason game, featuring mostly janitors and truck drivers (plus four full quarters of “ninth-year pro” Albert Haynesworth), starting at 10pm on the east coast?  I’m sorry, but even die-hards are skipping that one.

Don’t get me wrong, I DVR’ed the thing.  Or at least I thought I did.  Turns out the three-hour block labeled “Washington Redskins at Arizona Cardinals” on NFL Network that I programmed the stupid box to record was, of course, actually Pats/Giants.  Meaning I have no footage at my disposal right now.  I don’t plan on scouring my TV Guide for the replay, either.

And so I’m left to generate an impression based on only the first two-and-a-half series of the game - which I observed casually before hitting the sack - and the nine gigabytes of in-game tweets that waited patiently for me overnight before crashing my iPhone when I turned it on this morning.

Here’s what I got:

• Bartel’s got moxie, and a few decent tools, but I don’t think he was ever going to make more than a Colt Brennan-type impact on this team. That’s on the field, of course.  If we’re talking about capacity to generate off-the-field hysteria… Bartel couldn’t hold Colt’s sweaty, tropical-patterned Quiksilver boardshorts.  Anyway, he’ll be moving along shortly, and that’s fine.
• I’m conflicted on those black Arizona unis.  At first glance, the white pants-black shirt-white helmet ensemble seemed to give off a fairly badass, Storm Trooperish vibe; but after only a few plays, it started to look a little gimmicky and amateurish, and way too much like the Terps.  I suspect we won’t see those again in the regular season.
• Brandon “Breaking” Banks has probably already taken 12-18 months off my life expectancy, and hasn’t even played in a real game yet.  This guy is clearly still electric, but sometimes it feels more like an obnoxious static shock.  His opening 40-yard kick return was superb; the winding trail of broken ankles left in his wake actually impressed me more than his previous punt-return-for-touch.  But, as best I can tell, the rest of his night posed a maddening sequence of hurting, helping, hurting, helping, and then completely clouding his chances of earning a roster spot all over again.  I’m pretty sure he’s responsible for the single gray hair I plucked off my ball-sac this morning.  So Brandon, if you’re listening… please just hang onto the freaking ball so you can make this team, fix my life, and never have to pay for a drink in the D.C. Metropolitan area again.

Brooding, Immortalized

Many of you are, like myself, big fans of the Redskins-themed comic strip HAIL!, illustrated by artist Ben Ceccarelli and featured regularly on Matt Terl’s Official Redskins Blog.  The brief storylines are clever and the caricatures shockingly realistic.  I have long admired Ceccarelli’s strip and dreamed of one day being cartoonized myself by the talented animator.

So, a few days ago, I asked.

I sent him a Twitter message (you too can follow him here) explaining my fixation on his project and inquiring about the prospect of commissioning a portrait.  In his prompt response he was friendly, witty, and receptive to the idea, so we hashed out a mutually back-scratching agreement that culminated in the production of this magnificent image…

The moment I saw this, I was temporarily paralyzed by its overwhelming beauty.  Most of you have never met me or seen me in person, so you will fail to appreciate how jaw-droppingly accurate it is, or how effectively it captures the very essence of my identity.

I have accomplished many worthwhile goals in my almost-thirty-years of life to date, but being represented in this format is very likely to forever stand as the pinnacle of my professional and/or avocational pursuits.

Thank you, Ben, you deft Grand Master of the avatar.

Different Directions

After a fairly thorough second viewing of the Jets game (condensed into exactly 41 minutes, thanks to the heavenly miracle of DVR), I’m encouraged that we might actually be fit to fight again with the heavyweights of the NFL.  No one’s crowning Rex Ryan’s band of braggarts just yet, but they should contend for their division, and we clearly stood toe-to-toe with them in a spirited - if aesthetically ordinary - battle of stubborn wills.

Two familiar faces stood out to me in particular; one for his deficiencies, the other for an outburst of swagger.

It pains me to say it, because I’ve always liked the guy as both a player and a personality, but starting center and reigning Redskins Offensive Player of the Year Casey Rabach (sheesh… it pains me to say that, too) was repeatedly beaten like a rented mule on any and every brand of first-half running play.  Jets tackle Kris Jenkins - a baller to be sure, but no Hall of Famer - seemed to overpower and outrun him, making Rabach look even older than his ripened 32 years.  Easily the longest tenured ‘Skin on that overhauled offensive line, #61 still has a lot going for him, including his leadership and toughness, his affable country-boy disposition, and his thick, ‘Squatchy shoulder manes; but if he can’t find the juice to help spring Portis on the occasional stretch… this wooly mammoth might soon go the way of the dinosaur.

A guy on the other side whose stock I’m actually buying is outside ‘backer and pressure specialist Chris Wilson.  Physically blessed but historically inconsistent, C-Dub flexed some wicked game and really seems to fit naturally on that left edge in Haslett’s 3-4.  His three solo tackles and one very impressive sack - on which he flatly abused Damien Woody with a roundhouse head-slap before leveling Sanchez in a one-armed suplex - bumped him straight off the roster bubble into sit-me-at-your-own-peril territory.  I suspect Coach Haz may have noticed.

Hopefully I’m wrong on Casey and right on Chris.  But for the moment, this fan is a fair bit higher on the Hit-Man than he is on the Hog.

Brooding Bites: Skins/Jets

• As indicated by this photo, our starting D posted another fine preseason performance last night in clamping down on the Jets’ well-regarded offensive attack.  We gave up a few too many big gains on the ground, and I didn’t love that Kemo was frequently pushed off the ball, but we stiffened up in our own territory and forced two first-half turnovers (four total) to make a strong impression in the Big Apple.
• The offense was another story.  Sixteen points against stingy opposition is far from embarrassing, but we were lucky to come away with that many given our persistent ineptitude in the running game.  I’m not blaming LJ or Willie anymore… we have got to find a way to open up a few holes.  I realize Kris Jenkins is a load, but even making the playoffs would be pointless if we can’t run the ball against stout front sevens.  Hopefully Lil’ Shanny’s got a few more traps and motions up his sleeve for when the games actually count.
• That fumble by local hero Brandon “Breaking” Banks pained me more than a smart wiffle bat to the gonads.  His wicked speed is a hot commodity, but Mastermind will not tolerate his players putting the rock on the ground.  I fear his two muffs and one turnover in three games to date will overshadow his electric return-for-TD.  BB better make some noise in his last televised audition, lest the proverbial hammer drop squarely upon him.
• Everyone knows that preseason final scores are meaningless, but I’m nonetheless quite pleased to have prevented cocky Jets head coach and famed windbag Rex Ryan from flexing even the least bit of headline-worthy swag at home in his fancy new stadium.  Hopefully our hard-working Skins will garner some favorable pub on Hard Knocks for shutting up that insufferable blowhard.